What’s a Sister To Do? aka Depressed and Confused in CR


Long-time educator supporting individualized learning for all students. Earned BS in elementary education, Master's is Technology for Teachers, and Ph.D. in Computing Technology for Educators. Teaching experience in all grades from Pre-K to adult. Currently retired, but still involved in education through Learningbyts, as an educational consultant and CEO and author.

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2 Responses

  1. Anita says:


    Did your boss do anything specific that was “unprocedural” that you can point to or is it simply your opinion that he messed up because he was new?

    Second, even though they tell you to sign your evaluation even if you don’t agree with it–it doesn’t mean you agree and so forth. Don’t sign it until you can find out what you want to do or can do. Tell them you want to add some comments or attach a document etc. and you’ll sign it after you add or review the procedures etc. (Tell them nicely and humbly-maybe ask for a couple of days) You could then “confidentially” ask advice of your union rep or a trusted colleague or even human resources.

    Can you make an appointment with your boss? Tell him you’re really concerned about making sure you help the schools meet his goals. You know, bring an outline of what your schools are doing and ask his help in articulating the goals your schools should be doing. Also ask his help in setting benchmarks to measure progress of those goals. At the same time, you could chart out where what your schools have done to show how aligned or unaligned they are to the benchmarks. Include next steps. Type of the summary of the meeting and send it to him. Maybe you could bring him lunch or invite him to lunch in your office so you guys can meet etc….Tell him you want to show off your cooking or your deli purchasing skills.

    Just some suggestions. I don’t know if you wanted them or not.

    Peace out–

  2. JPRazza says:

    WOW! Anita, you have great ideas! I agree with all that you said.

    After my incident, I have one other thing to offer. I now realize that it is better to kiss ass then to be right. Forty-six years old and I am just realizing that! What I mean is I just ask what do you want done, by when and I do it. I don’t worry so much about whether I agree or think it is more than I can do or anything else. I just do it. But what I have changed is the amount of time (or the quality) by which I do it. An example is the portfolios. I never get them back on time. That was thrown up in my face when we had our spat. So now I just sit down and spend no more than 1 hour on them or I hire Brenna to do them. I get it turned in on time and spend more time doing what I think I should be doing—-teaching. I complained so much about how long they took to do, she never believed it–so why not just take the one hour she thinks it takes and be done.

    I guess what I am saying is that I have to keep asking myself, why am I so concerned about the decisions she is making. My opinion only angers her, so just let it happen and move on. For instance, don’t get upset that the budget is not being used the way you think. That doesn’t mean you need to support him and make a bid for the new people, but just leave it alone if he wants something you do not.

    Another thing I found out this week–I thought I would “document” all my communications with everyone by doing it through email instead of just talking to people to have a record of what I was doing. Well, I sent an email off the other day about some students who shouldn’t have been in my class just to FYI everyone. The email was misinterpreted as my blaming others for not catching them before class started. I was blown out of the water. I received a very angry email with four long paragraphs from office staff regarding why and how it wasn’t their fault and that they wish I would have talked to them before I made an issue. Oh, my goodness, where did that come from. So I now am not going to put anything into writing. It is amazing how it is too often misunderstood.

    Well, that is all I can add other than to say that if you do have lunch or whatever with your boss, agree with everything he says. Ask how to do it, not why. Do not at any time defend yourself or say “but that is what I did.” Do not defend yourself no matter how hard it is to bite your tongue.

    When I was younger, I might have thought that this kind of behavior was not being “true” to myself. That I had to be an activist for what is right. Now I realize that I can be an activist only if I have kept my job. In order for change to occur, I have to create it given the “confines” of my job. I have to think “outside the box” in figuring out how to get and do what I think is right for students, given forces that are working against me. If I “get in the face” of people and lose my job, I cannot even fight the fight. I will instead be fighting for my security. This is what we tell the new teachers, too. The problem is that it isn’t easy, but I have found it to be much more peaceful to be in this position than when I was going “up in the face” of it.

    I am most sad for you because I know how hard it is to go through this–whether it is something you did or something others just think you did or it is something others want to get even for. I am especially saddened because I know how much you loved your job there. I know how excited you were to get to do what you are doing. To me, that is what is sad–the fact that you may feel you have lost this.

    Are we three just attracted to each other cause we are all three bitches?

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