Chapter 10 – Sunset Tides – Transitioning Through the Aging Process
So now that I’ve finally worked through the sexuality issue, has dating changed? Yes, in a way, it’s much easier knowing that deep down I’m normal. Now I can look at dating as just a way to meet other people, but also know that my sexuality will not stand in the way of creating a new relationship. Whether there is a significant other out there for me is something to explore. There are no guarantees, but I also know that I can stay single for the next 20 or 30 years and be comfortable. Finding someone is on my radar, but not the focus of my being. I don’t need someone to prove I am worthy of love, and that I have not been damaged beyond repair.
The act of dating over 60 is still as challenging. Online dating sites seem to be full of single senior men, but most of them are too far away to develop a relationship. Meetups are still a way to meet people, but again, most of the activities are too far away to drive comfortably to the events by myself. It helps that I have a single woman friend that now joins me on these jaunts occasionally. In addition, as I write this chapter, we are in the middle of a pandemic and under “stay at home” orders, so virtual meetups and video chats have made their debut.
Life as a senior citizen has it’s own up and down points. How much of that has been impacted by being a Str8t Spouse Trans Widow? It’s hard to tell. Of course, there are the regular challenges of being divorced. Financial assets had to be split. While I lucked out and didn’t have to pay alimony to either of my ex-husbands, living on one income is challenging these days particularly as a homeowner. That extra income seems to help afford the finer things in life, like trips, or paying for kid’s colleges or giving grandly to the grandkids. Those things are doable as a single senior but it takes longer to save the money with only one income.
The physical loneliness of being single is a big one. The challenges brought on by having to adopt special needs kids rather than have biological ones has compounded the issues. Those kids were both raised in broken systems, and we thought we were giving them a secure family. We did that for most of their childhood and teen years, only to be told years later that it was all a lie. Both children have moments where they accept their dad(Second Mom?) as is, and then moments when they shy away. Neither see their “dad” on a regular basis. But “she” touches base a couple of times a year. She is challenged by her own physical challenges at this age. But neither of us can count on our kids to take care of us in our old age. Their special needs have caused them to have severe challenges in their adult years. My son is on the schizophrenic spectrum and needs counselors on a consistent basis to help him with daily living and finances. He also has severe health and mental problems. He is set in a program that will care for him through his old age, but he will be no help to me as I age. My daughter, due to her emotional attachment disorder background is lost somewhere either in the drug world or an abusive relationship she doesn’t want out of. She has very little contact with her own kids, and is estranged from the family who hoped to be her forever home.
So in conclusion, while the effects of being a Trans Widow are fading as the years advance, dealing with the trauma of discovery has become easier, although it never disappears totally. The transition of a trans person, particularly later in life has consequences that are generational. I touched on these issues in the posting I wrote a few years ago @ Generational Challenges of being Transgendered.
So the Transitions go on and on…. though not always as Stormy!
For the detailed blogs about dating online, check out these blogs:
- Virtually Dating As A Senior – What’s it All About Alfie?
- “Stitching the Ins and Outs of Dating as a Senior” written March 2017
- “Meetup” Magic of Senior Dating written April 2017
And here are some articles about the World of Dating in General:
- New Dating Hazards You Need To Know About– Fashion Beam does a good job of explaining what terms like kitten fishing, ghosting, and refer to in the dating world…
- Chapter 1 – Storming Out of the Closet
- Chapter 2 – Transitioning Coast to Coast
- Chapter 3 – Deeper Transitions
- Chapter 4 – Transitioning Into the Spousal Closet
- Chapter 5 – Climbing Out of the Spousal Closet
- Chapter 6 – Family Transitions
- Chapter 7 – Transitions to Love
- Chapter 8 – Transitioning Through Past Tides of Love
- Chapter 9 – Dating Waves of Transitioning Sexuality
- Chapter 10 – Sunset Tides – Transitioning Through the Aging Process
- Generational Challenges of being Transgendered
Disclaimer: All names have been changed for privacy reasons on this blog section.