Grandchildren and their Trans Grandparents
And 10 years later…… (after my ex-spouse came out as transgendered)…. how’s it going with the grandchildren???
From the TransGrandParent (Grandmap – the monicker the kids gave her) point of view, it seems to be going well…. we just had the grandkids visit for two weeks of summer vacation. S/he spent the better part of four days with us and the kids are accepting of her. We spent 2 days touring Washington, D.C., she spent one afternoon with them by herself, and she attended our grandson’s birthday party. So we’ve spent more time in the last 2 weeks with her than in the past ten years.
However, while the grandkids seem to accept her, my granddaughter kept making comments about how we looked like a lesbian couple as we walked through museums. That gave me a pause. The grandkids seemed to be accepting of that notion, but some of the feelings of angst came back to me. It reminded me of why I wanted the divorce – I had a right to having my needs met as well as hers to become who she needed to be. And while we live separate lives, the grandkids (and our kids by default) are a thread that will bind us for years to come.
So how do I reconcile those mixed feelings? At the present time, it has become challenging again. Since I married someone within 3 years of my first marriage, and that marriage did not work out, I find myself stepping back and analyzing the situation again. Did I give up too quickly on the marriage? No… We took 3 years with each of us working through our own counseling before the divorce became final. Do I still have feelings for her or her for me? While my granddaughter thinks that s/he is still in love with me, my feelings are definitely changed. While I can still be friends with her, and cover my angst about hanging out with her for the grandkid’s sake, I have no residual feelings of bing “in love” for her or him. I now see my deceased mother-in-law in my ex-spouse as she looks like her. And while I love how she goes out of her way to be with the grandkids, she’s now become like family who visit for too long….. You love ’em but glad when they leave… 🙂