Busy Sisters
Well, you two have been quite busy on the blogger.com site.
We spent last night at your and my friend’s house, MB. She is devastated from being let go (fired, as she calls it), but was able to look back and share some reasons why she feels she should have been let go. I feel so bad for her because she did nothing more than many of us have done–make enemies with the “wrong” parent–you know, the one who has power. She said she also did some things that could have put kids in harms way, but not anything we all haven’t done–like leave your class to take another child to the office. However, she also did some that were repeats, not thinking the offense was bad. However, since she already had a principal looking over her shoulder, it was used against her.
She is now worried that she will not get another teaching job. But it was good to hear her say that she knew what she had done, she knew the principal had to let her go for it or he could have been liable if anything had happened, and she also rested in peace with the fact that everything she did was out of kindness to the kids. She says she just treated all of them as if they were her own children, she the mom. Now she realizes that she has to have a different role, one in which she has to be more responsible for safety. She feels awful that she did not realize that before now, but she is also not beating herself up over it.
Anyway, we all went to their house last night to help her get it off her mind. Of course, we ended up talking about it all night, though, imagine! I know just how awful it is to just keep things running in your head like that, and you just cannot let it go. You feel bad about yourself, you are embarrassed, and you are angry that no one ever talked to you about it before–not that you would have listened. Anyway, that is how I am. Then I wonder forever if people had been telling me all along and I just was not listening. Kind of like I felt about going menopausally, raised Italian, animated on someone I know. Bad personal behavior—it just never quits playing in your head.
Sometimes I wonder. . .
This is the third time I’ve started this comment… both other times, I somehow lost the window, then it disappeared, and it was empty… I feel PR’s pain…
I can also feel the teaching buddy’s pain. As teachers we all have to come to that realization that we can’t “mother” them all. While we’d love to, that’s not our role, and usually the trying leads us to burnout. They need us as a teacher, guide, and facilitator for their learning, and while we hope we are soothing some souls in the meantime, we also need to learn that kid’s need structure and a safe environment in which to learn. I once said, and others have quoted….
“I have long thought of children as roses (complete with thorns for their protection). They can bloom beautifully by following the trellis and with a good gardener to trim and train. Or they can fall on the path and be trampled by life. We are the gardeners that build the trellis and can guide them to full blooms…….” -Barbara Schulz
Let her take hope that she’s come to this realization as a substitute rather than a full time teacher, which has pros and cons. First of all, the fact that she was subbing makes this one of many references she can earn in the rest of the year. The others will overshadow this one. So now that she’s learned a valuable lesson that all teachers have to grasp or they burn out, she can use that lesson to make herself a better teacher and substitute. And the many references she’ll get will make this one look like nothing.
The sad part is that she was only a substitute. This has two pieces that made the situation worse than it would have been as a first year teacher. First of all, the parents were probably harder on her to start with. They are always hard on first year teachers, AND on subs because they want someone permanent and experienced for their child. It takes experience in learning to deal with parents as well. The second part is that if she were a first year teacher, she would have gotten more support through the induction program where she would have others (than her principal) to talk over situations, and give her possible solutions. In addition, as a first year teacher, she would have gotten an improvement plan and time to fix the situation, as well as more guidance and district training.
The taking the child to the office is a common problem for all teachers, and many times teachers have handled it the way she did. After all, do we trust a child who is already in trouble to take themselves to the office? I’ve heard of kids walking out the door instead. Most teachers will instinctively trust the kids left in the room more than the kid who is in trouble. This is where it’s necessary to bond with your colleagues. If you can ask them to keep an eye on your class while you are escorting one to the office, they will at some time need the return favor from you. They can also give you tips on handling that problem parent, who has probably been trouble for other teachers through the child’s life. This is where it’s also important to bond with previous teachers, who have survived that parent.
The best way to get it off her mind, and get her confidence back is for her to think on the positive things she made happen for the kids. And to remember the lights in their eyes as learning occurs. And then…. Start planning for all those substitute positions where she’s going to wow them all… and make them want to hire her again.
Best wishes,
CybrScrybe
I think it’s a sad commentary when you can’t walk a kid to the office…Puleeses.
All the things you said are true.
I thought you fixed this so comments would be on out pages?
If you now click on the topics on the right side of the blog, and be sure that taht “Show original post” and “Show all comments.” are enabled, you’ll see the posts that relate to that topic in one blog window.
You should now be getting email notes when something is blogged, if you set up your pop mail to check sisterhood@learningbyts.net account. (See email sent with directions).