Letter to Son’s Teacher

Here is the latest of many letters that Zach’s teacher and I have jokingly sent back and forth to one another over the four years she has had him. I always wish I had a copy of the letters later, but have never kept any as I usually handwrite them. This blog is a good way to save them. For what, I am not sure, but here is the one going to school tomorrow.

To the Teacher of My Wonderful, Never Do Anything Wrong, First-Born Favorite Son:

It seems that in my disgust over Zach’s grade I have thrown away the paper evidence. My perfect son, who always turns in all his work and completes it with utmost interest and attention, presented me with a grade check I knew was not for him. The grade was far below his potential. I knew this was not my child’s grade as this grade check indicated that the student in question was hoping to get a passing grade with points from bogus, I mean, bonus work. I am quite sure that it was a grade check for one of the less responsible kids whose parents do not care about schooling. As a result, I threw it in the trashcan.

Can you imagine how I must have felt (after watching Eric and my precious perfect child, night after night watching movies until 11:00 and then starting their homework) when I saw his points? I could not believe how you could even think to score him so low. I mean, he was studying non-stop from 11 until he fell asleep around 11:10—every third night. With all that hard work, I know the points you have awarded him are not a true reflection of his effort and interest in learning the subject OR they were someone else’s points. Since I believe teachers never make a mistake (unless it concerns my perfect child), I was certain these grades reflected another less academically capable child’s work, perhaps one who has no intention of going to college. Since it was not my son’s grade check, I regret to say, again, that I threw the grade sheet away.

Now, tonight, he and Eric inform me that you need this grade sheet in my son’s notebook. Far be it for me to understand why you would want the grade check for another child in my son’s notebook????? I try not to take too much time to understand it, for it really does not matter as I threw it away. Both Eric and Zach assure me that if I take the time to write a letter explaining that I threw away some potential liefelong lifeguard’s grade check that my son will receive his full points.

See, I am so proud of my Wonderful, Never Do Anything Wrong, First-Born Favorite Son for even trying to get the points for turning in someone else’s grade check. Isn’t he perfect!

Most sincerely gagging,

Jenny A. Piazza
Mother of the Wonderful, Never Do Anything Wrong, First-Born Favorite Son