On Family vs. Career…..

Hi Pueblo Hood (what do we call it now that it’s not just a Sisterhood?),

Since Jenny is ready to share some new things, thought I’d start this one as it’s what I’m dealing with on a daily basis at this point in my life. I know at least one other member of our group is dealing with similar issues but from afar.

I’m in Maryland right now taking care of my mother and deciding what the next step for her is. At this current point, she is still competent of making her own decisions, but very needy about the help she needs. She needs someone to check on her on a daily basis, doing things like putting on special stockings, making sure she’s taking the right meds, taking her dog outside, taking her to numerous doctor appointments. Nothing earth shattering, but necessary little things. When my in-laws got to this stage, we moved them into a mobile home next to us, and while that time was very trying, it was much easier having them next door to be able to do the little things for them. Haven’t been able to get Mom to agree to that arrangement, and while I’m currently staying in my sister’s trailer, which is only 7 minutes away from Mom, it’s what she needs. However, I can’t stay here forever, and with my brother as sick as my mom, and my sister burned out from dealing (poorly) with this for the last two years, and another brother in Indiana who is indifferent to the situation, it seems to be falling on my shoulders to make a decision.

To add to the situation, I could be called anywhere in the US for a job interview, and hopefully subsequent job offer. Mom and all her friends, and probably my sister and brother as well, have their prayers going that I get a job in the MD area, while my husband sits in CR praying that I get one there.

So the dilemma becomes…. do I move mom with me whereever I go, tearing her from her family and friends here (we just lost one of her siblings this week, and 3 others are up there in age and frail in health) just to be sure she’s safe and comfortable? Or do I move here temporarily to make life easier for her? It’s one of those life altering decisions, but what should come first, family or career? Should my life be put on hold until she passes away?

The job situation isn’t helping, as I had a 5th interview for a position I really wanted here in Md (I liked the company, and it would be a natural step for me career wise), and had phone interviews in NC, UNC Greely, and one this week in AZ. The position here in MD eventually went to someone else because they needed someone to start right away. But they liked my website and skills so well that they talked about creating a position for me with the company, but said since they’ve never done something like this before, it would take time for them to write a job description, and find the salary for me. So I sit in limbo with them (or is it their polite way of saying sorry – no deal?). I also lost the one in Greely because they needed someone to be able to start by 9/15 and they needed a face to face interview before that, and I’m here and it would take me 3 days to get there (I drove out here this time). So I need some good answers to tell the folks in AZ, so that I can get there in time for interviews, and to start work. (Mom seems more willing to go to AZ with me because she and my father dreamed of retiring there before he passed away 30 years ago – it will still be hard for her to leave my siblings as well as hers). But at least then I’d still be able to stay in the west where I feel healthier ( I’ve had a hard time with the humidity here in Md).

So weigh in friends…. what should come first… family or career?